callmekitto:

internetfeet:

People mistake ovulation and menstruation to be the same thing when in fact they aren’t

Ovulation is when the eggs are saying “hello friends I am here”

And menstuation is when the eggs are saying “goodbye friends I am gone”

THIS EXPLAINS THE DIFFERENCE 40x BETTER THAN MY ENTIRE SEVENTH GRADE SEX ED CLASS.

merelyafleshwound:

luciferisasexybagofdicks:

iepidemic:

hotapplestrider:

twelvejammiedodgers-andafez:

on a scale of one to invade russia in the winter

how bad is your idea

rejecting hitler from art school

holy shit

electing george bush twice

hooking up with taylor swift

princecharmingtobe:

beepbeep-car:

woodlandeelf:

Today I was stopped in the hallway on my way to class by one of the security guards. She wouldn’t let me go to class and forced me to walk across the school to the main office to have my mom, who by the way was on her way to work, bring me “real pants” because the way I dressed was “sexually provocative.” Because of this I was ten minutes late to class, and after five minutes of actually being in class I was taken back out to be talked to again by the security guard and given my “real pants.”

These shorts are mid-thigh, and I am wearing opaque black tights. Other than my hands and my face, I had no skin showing whatsoever. So tell me, how is this being “sexually provocative?” (reminder: this is a typical american public high school, not a private or religious-oriented school)

The security guard ridiculed me, saying that what I was wearing was inappropriate. I told her that everyday, other girls walk around in skin-tight yoga pants, some even with their thongs clearly showing, and shirts that are see-through. “This is not bad clothing.” I had told her. This security guard plays favorites with the girls on who she does call out and doesn’t call out. On game days, the cheerleaders decide to wear their skirts that barely cover their butts and she doesn’t cal them out at all. She also openly said to my mom “I don’t look at what the boys are wearing, only the girls.” 

When my mom came in to bring me the pants, she had a long talk with the security guard. She told my mom that I should know that there is a dress code, and that I should follow it. My mom told her “Maybe there shouldn’t be a dress code if it isn’t monitored consistently. This is double-standards.” 

My mom also told her “The only distraction from class that is going on is you are pulling my daughter out of class and keeping her from learning.”

I had to walk up to this security guard to get my long pants, since she was talking to my mom, and my mom said to me sarcastically: “It appears that you are being sexually provocative, darling.” 

“Oh yes mama, all the boys are just popping boners everywhere!” I pretended to swoon. We both left, my mom calling back to the security guard: “I didn’t need this today, you know. I need to get to work and I haven’t even showered yet. Good Job.”

The whole ordeal was ridiculous. Girls shouldn’t be ridiculed for wearing shorts. Even so, I was wearing thick tights that you couldn’t see through–much better than just wearing yoga pants. There is no way that what I was wearing could even be considered “sexually provocative.” Plus, anything the boys wear is completely fine in the eyes of the security guard, it’s only what the girls are wearing that are “inappropriate.” Even yoga pants where you can see the thong through it don’t “disrupt class” because nobody cares enough about what a student wears and does not wear, only the security guards. 

tl;dr, dress codes are counterproductive and the enforcers cause more disruption for a student’s learning than shorts do.

 ♬ my sweater tights and mid thigh shorts bring all the boys to the yard ♪

Reminds me of the time this girl in my class who was wearing shorts that went almost to her knees asked to use the restroom, took forever, and came back wearing different pants. She said she got stopped in the hall because her shorts were inappropriate so she changed into her sweatpants for PE. Even our teacher was like “What?” I guess her knees were just really provocative. 

(I’m running errands for my pregnant wife. While walking to a nearby store, I see two teenagers harassing a child that is only four or five years old. I shoo them away from the boy, and he introduces himself.)
Me: “So, where’s your mom at?”
Boy: “She’s in the store. Do you have kids?”
Me: “Not yet. We’re expecting a baby girl soon, though.”
Boy: “Well, she’s going to turn out nice, like you! So, I’m going to marry her someday!”
(I laugh, and play along while I bring him to the service desk, and wait until his mom picks him up. Six years later, my daughter comes home from school and introduces us to a friend that defended her against a bully on the playground. I didn’t recognize him, but he certainly knew who I was!)

binkshapiro:

whosromeo:

girls are attracted to assholes because in elementary school girls were told “if he’s mean to you that means he likes you”

the da vinci code has been cracked

whores:

jocknoir:

stormcloaca:

lokiarrty:

suckmypoppunk:

unshaped:

wasn’t expecting this

but arent you glad it hapened

its ears ITS EARS ITS EARS ITS EARS

floomph

oh my god

oh my god

(Source: caturday)

raccooneyedbitch:

bombarrows:

quadrangledreality:

lightningsshadow:

paranoidandroid42:

yes i’m a boy

yes i play videogames ;]

don’t hit on me silly girls xoxoxo

wft boys don’t play videogames

get back in the garage and fix my car.

another fucking “gamer boy” They all just want attention they cant even play well!

He’s just a slut with a controller.

That console isn’t even plugged in you fucking whore.

dirkstr8der:

the-winchester-initiative:

cryonetics:

snorlaxatives:

*sexually strokes wall until finding light switch*

What a turn on.

Get out.

why does everyone say get out when somebody makes a pun dont get out get in here and make more puns

stfuprolifers:

kor71:

If you think abortions ok, remember what Horton says.

Awkward. Dr. Seuss and his wife were really liberal and pro-choice. They’ve even threatened to sue pro-life organizations for using this quote the wrong way (the way you’re doing it actually). I guess you didn’t already know that Horton Hears a Who is about the American occupation of Japan post-WWII. He even dedicated it to his dear Japanese friend.

Mrs. Geisel (Mrs. Seuss) continued donating to Planned Parenthood and advocating for reproductive health and rights after her husband died.

courtneylovedcobain:

BAZING

“Art is easy, all you do is draw!”

rjthedetective:

morrissarty:

fuckitfireeverything:

teengrrrlsquad:

why isn’t there a STRAIGHT pride parade?? why isn’t there WHITE history month? why isn’t there an international MEN’S day!? why isn’t there a hospital for WELL people?? why isn’t there a soup kitchen for RICH people??!?

#WHY ARE THERE NO CEMETERIES FOR ALIVE PEOPLE

i didn’t think this could be improved but that one takes the cake

(Source: teen-heat)

chefboyardeezie:

banjo-jeff:

chefboyardeezie:

when im rich the first thing im doing is getting laser hair removal on every inch of my body that isn’t my head

you’ll look pretty funny without eyebrows

im at least 3% sure that my eyebrows r on my head

bubonickitten:

help, i can’t stop laughing

the-dark-lord-lucifer-aka-satan:

amywinterbreeze:

mishaswhore:

asktheoakenshieldbros:

goquackyourself:

fuckyeah-kasumisty:

can-you-feel-the-gay-tonight:

a-big-guy-named-tiny:

SCIENCE!

science has figured out how to open a portal to hell

#holy shit #imagine doing this in the middle ages #you could rule a small town through fear

It’s Cthulhu!!!!!!!!

• sand
• alcohol or lighter fluid
• sugar  

1. Mix 4 parts powdered sugar with 1 part baking soda. 
2. Make a mound with the sand. Push a depression into the middle of the sand.
3. Pour the alcohol or other fuel into the sand to wet it.
4. Pour the sugar and baking soda mixture into the depression.
5. Ignite the mound, using a lighter or match.

Oh tumblr, what would we do without you.

REBLOGGING AGAIN FOR THE EXPLANATION

Dammit, stop opening the windows to hell!

(Source: laissesaigner)